Talking about sex is something every couple should do but there are some things that should never, ever escape your lips – especially during the heat of the moment.
Hands up who’s ever said the wrong thing in bed – or been on the receiving end of any of these sexual clangers? Read on for some of the things that shouldn’t be said between the sheets. So how many are you guilty of?
1. Yes, yes, yes, Alexander!
Nothing wrong with this if your partner’s name is Alexander but if it’s John, it’s not going to go down too well. Eighty per cent of couples fantasise about someone else when having sex with
their partner. Rather sensibly, most of us don’t feel the need to confess that we’ve mentally
transformed our partner into our latest lust crush. Having a fantasy playing in your head is a normal and quite effective way to perk up sex with someone you’ve slept with many, many times before.
But blurting out the wrong name in the heat of the moment will guarantee a big row rather than a big O.
2. My ex used to love this.
This is one of those ‘I’m amazing in bed’ boasts that never really works. Who cares what your ex liked? He or she probably had completely different sexual taste to us. Even if they didn’t, do we really want the image of you in bed with someone else planted in our heads? We all like to think that our partner’s were delivered to us in zip-lock plastic bags, untouched by others. Another pleasant illusion is that they definitely never loved or lusted after anyone as much as they do us. Positive sexual talk of exes destroys all of this and most of us prefer to stay deluded, thanks very much.
3. Not like that.
Along with ‘What are you doing?’ any less than encouraging comments about technique sabotage the best sex session. I’m all for feedback and letting your partner know what you want but there’s a time, a place and a way of doing it. Unless you’ve both agreed that this particular session is all about ‘training’ each other in what you want, you’ll generally get much further talking nitty-gritty specifics out of bed.
4. Is it in yet?
A no-no for the glaringly obvious reason of insinuating he’s not very big, those three words decimate a man’s sexual confidence instantly and swiftly. More than 90 per cent of men worry about their penis size – which is why this tops the list for him. But there’s an equally as ego-destroying flipside, if he says it to her. Sure, you haven’t been doing your kegel exercises that regularly but surely he
can’t possibly mean….
5. You really do need to get back to the gym
Yes people do really say things like this. Witness this classics that was emailed to me. ‘There we were, basking in the afterglow of the best sex we’d had in ages, when my husband said, ‘You know you asked me if you’d put on weight? Well, you have a bit’. Or this one: ‘I was on top of her and she reached up and squeezed my biceps and said, ‘What happened to these?’. Tracey says that asking someone insistently about their orgasm will never go will – and might even stop your partner from having one ‘I don’t mind criticism but does it have to be in the middle of sex?’ Body confidence issues affect both sexes and never are we more vulnerable than naked in bed.
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