The growth and success of every romantic relationship is determined by these four stages of love. If you’re in any relationship, I believe you must have either passed through one of them or you’re currently on one. I think you should consider reading about them if you want to learn something different about your partner and how to mend some related issues.
It is true that in each stage of love, there are positives and negatives that follows. But despite the negatives, people continue to try and get it right, make their love last, with the hope of creating and maintaining a healthy relationship by understanding, accepting, and honoring individual differences. Below are the four stages of love you should know!
1. The Romantic Stage
The first stage of every relationship is this stage and it lasts from probably few months to a year or two. At this stage, partners are described as “perfect”. The “feel good” neurotransmitters that are fired off at a rapid rate, during this stage of love, go to the same place in our brain as drugs do — increasing attention and focus, obsessiveness, a strong and powerful desire to be with our new love, and thinking of nothing else.
Infact, in this stage, It’s difficult to get any work done as you’re high on love and all is wonderful in your world. It’ll be so charming that you’ll even ask, “Where have you been all my life?” There is a great emphasis on similarities and sameness, i.e, you’ll begin to accept things you can’t even do — just for the feeling. You’ll be like: “You like to swim? That’s great! I love to swim, too!” Even differences between the two are viewed as strengths.
2. The Struggle Stage
At this stage, it seems the drugs has worn off and you’re no longer high on love and you have moved into the struggle-to-survive mode. The illusion that romantic love will last forever dissipates and is replaced with anger and disappointment. This is the challenging time for lovers as there is now a shift in focus from your similarities to your differences.
Interestingly, behaviours that were once “cute” have become little annoyances. Even when you do it right, you still get a blame. Sometimes we try to change the person back to who we thought they were or created them to be in our own mind but it won’t be easy. Arguments or disagreements may increase and miscommunication occurs due to different communication styles.
Clarity in communication is vital at this stage as this will determine if the relationship can survive. Some relationships don’t survive this stage – it leads to break up.
3. The Stability Stage
Thank God you survived stage two, welcome to stage three. When a couple moves into this stage, there’s a greater awareness of each other’s behaviours, differences, and annoyances. Both have worked through establishing roles and independence and have moved away from the struggles that once monopolized the relationship and caused mayhem.
At this stage, disagreements are just disagreements. They do not necessarily turn into arguments. But if they do, they are manageable. There is more peace and a rhythm to the relationship with a greater feeling of relaxation. You can see a future with this person. Everything becomes stable. However, the danger in this stage is the increased risk of boredom or a boring routine. This can lead to apathy or infidelity. People often start taking the other person for granted and do not work on the relationship. They believe it can rest on its laurels, but it cannot.
Some people start to move away from their partner, rather than towards them. Yet, the paradox is that despite the boredom or routine of the relationship, it is peaceful, safe, and secure. People can feel grounded and safe, yet move away from the relationship in healthy ways, without the relationship feeling threatened. What I think is, if you are able to master and feel comfortable during the boring times, then the relationship can continue to grow. If you are delighted and prefer their company even when things are not exciting, then there is a greater chance of allowing each other to grow as will the relationship. Seriousness begins!
4. The Commitment Stage
This is the last stage and it’s the ‘future’ stage. You and your partner can make clear choices for yourselves and each other. You recognize both of your shortcomings and have accepted them. You have been able to manage the bad times and embrace/celebrate the good times together. Despite the bad, you can rise above and still prefer the other’s company. You don’t need the person, you choose to be with this person. There is a balance between power, freedom, love, and belonging now.
People do ask; Can you see yourself with this person long-term? Do you have shared interests and goals? Does this person add, not take away, from your life? Is this person the total package? Do you work as a team? I think the stage 1, 2 and 3 has revealed the answers to these questions; therefore, their commitment rests on what they believe and needs continues work and attention in the relationship for things work positively.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
Learning to recognize and embrace these four stages of love can help both individuals and couples better navigate the expected twists and turns of a relationship. Understanding and preparing for the challenges that relationships bring can help people identify the triggers and learn to be proactive rather than reactive and work through them instead of giving up. This will help create the bridge that connects, not the bridge that divides.
Communication is key. How will you communicate about your differences? How will they be managed? Can you talk about your differences in a way that encourages healthy communication strategies and understanding and honoring both your similarities and differences? Relationships are challenging and tricky at times. People are complicated. Sometimes a little more time together, can help determine your future. Navigating through the stages of love is not a linear process.
From the stage 1, you might have neglected other relationships in your life to spend time with your new partner — sometimes to excess. Don’t think back past memories, it’s good to always move on. It’s your future!
At stage 2, place importance on accepting and appreciating your differences. Learn to share power, relinquish your fantasies of constant harmony, and recognize the strengths of your relationship. Also, reinforce clear boundaries and make mutual respect prevalent. The relationship, then, becomes more realistic, rather than idealized and a “fantasy.”
The goal of this stage is to establish your autonomy without destroying the love connection between you. How you manage your differences and those annoying quirks often shape how the relationship moves forward. The relationship can become stronger and grow if each person can manage their own feelings, become open and receptive to improving their communication, and can handle disagreements amicably.
Stage 3 and 4 is what defines a true relationship. Try make it a priority – it’s your life and it’s about the future.
Wish you the best!
Do have a nice time!
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